Sunday, March 21, 2010

Let the preparations begin.

Mom has been really busy with the wedding planner and doing all sorts of massively important things such as picking out the right shade of white for the napkins and auditioning pianists for the big event. She hardly has any time for her dear daughter. Not that I can complain seeing as there is no one for me to complain to. The house is forever empty.

Just like this marriage.

My 'wonderful' stepdad Brian is busy busy busy with his work, closing off deals and meeting important people. He lets Mom handle the wedding issues. After all, the finger he needs to lift for this whole extravaganza is his thumb and index finger to pull out his credit card. Ben is never at home either. One would think that this would be a happy occasion for a family. The merging of two broken families in order to become a whole one. Me and Mom with Brian and his son, Ben. And to be honest, I got a teeny bit excited when I found out that I'll finally have an older brother. This is the dream of little girls everywhere, to have a big brother who will protect you and be your friend.

I guess dreams are meant to crash and burn.

Or at least mine are.

Ben is hardly at home and when he is, he is either drunk or bruised or drunk. I heard from talks around school (unfortunately, Ben and I go to the same one) is that Ben has been 'celebrating' like a mad man. Hitting clubs and bars every night like there is no tomorrow. I can't say that I don't feel a slight twinge of worry, seeing as he is (whether he wants to or not) my brother and if he keeps this up, there won't be a tomorrow for him. I don't know what to do. Should I talk to him? Even though the only time I ever said a word to him was during the engagement party, and as heart warming as the words, "Could you pass me my punch?" are, our relationship is so far from brother-sister.

It isn't my place.

Like how it isn't my place to tell Mom to stop the wedding 'cos I don't like Brian. Which I don't. At all. His smile is fake and his words always sound like lies. Mom should know this after her experience with Dad. Dad is a liar too. I guess Mom has a soft spot for Losers.

But it's not all bad news. Today Mom promised to take me out shopping on the fitting day. We'll be headed to the tailors to get our dresses fitted for the big day and she promised we'd have a fun mother-daughter day. I guess she FINALLY took some notice after I started yelling the song 'All by myself' in the shower. Subtlety has always been one of my biggest strengths. My bridesmaid dress is pretty. Strapless, fun and yet with a sophisticated touch that shines with it's pearly beige colour. I can't say that I would not want to wear it. And since Brian payed for everything, the least I can do is to be civil around him.

Yes, that's what I'll do. I'll be civil and tame and I will not brood and mope. Mom seems happy doing stupid bride things and planning the big event. And it's not like Ben is messing with my life. Why should I care if he is messing up his? Everyone is busy being happy. So I should try to be too... The wedding is something we ALL should look forward to.

But what is gonna happen after the vows have been recited and our life as a 'loving and happy family' begins?

Guess I don't have a choice but to find out.