Saturday, March 20, 2010

This isn't because I just watched Alice in Wonderland but I'm beginning to feel a lot like her. Hanging with a new crowd, even I get lost with all the irrelevant names being flung around in every direction.

I get it. Socializing is mandatory in parties. But since when is it mandatory to enjoy it? I mean, it would've been nice if Mr Whatshisname would talk his eyes off my chest and actually looked in my face in that 20 minutes we spent 'talking'. I don't really understand the dynamics here. I don't care about what he says, and he CLEARLY doesn't give a rat's ass about whatever that comes out of my mouth.I don't understand why I had to waste 20 minutes of my life pretending that I cared.

Oh, right. One word, three letters. M-O-M.

I suppose it matters what her country club bitches *ahem* I mean FRIENDS think about her. Especially since she'll be marrying that Brian guy soon. Third time's a charm, huh, mother? I have nothing against Brian. He's a perfectly nice, boring middle-aged man. But after what happened in her last marriage, Mom was careful to find a candidate with the money. And Brian sure has got lots of it. I guess having our house seized and almost becoming dirt poor gave my Mom a real scare.

Poor Mom.

Poor Brian. I hate to tell him that his paycheck is what Mom would really want to marry. I feel mean saying this. But it doesn't lessen the fact that it is a real fact. So, Mom's engagement party this time was several shades more lavish than her last. The Hilton Hotel has a cozy function hall to fit our 200 closest friends and relatives. Haha... Understatement of the century. The gorgeous lilies and elegant bouquets with the lovely buffet over endless glasses of champagnes got the thumbs up from all the freeloaders who came on an empty stomach and full of congratulatory wishes. Mom was beaming. I guess that's what counts, right?

Not the fact that I saw Brian arguing with a strange lady outside the function hall whilst the party was in full swing? I knew she wasn't on the guest list.

Not the fact that Mom kept lying about my grades and humble upbringing?

Not the fact that I have this vague certainty that Brian is cheating on Mom. And worse, Mom knows but is simply turning a blind eye so as to enjoy her moment in the 'it' crowd?

In the midst of all this, I still look for inspiration and beauty. 'Cos I know procrastinating is what I do best. I don't know why I'm typing this but I had to. I am friendless. A nobody. There isn't really a need to keep things private. These have become my public affairs.

Even Alice has her troubles with the Queen of Hearts. Especially when it's the Queen's heart that is at stake.

Off with my head.